Everyday is an adventure even when you aren't looking for one.
What comes to mind when you think of underrated painful life experiences? Cutting a finger nail too short? Paper cuts? If you have ever had a pimple in your nose, you know how one simple clogged pore can ruin your week.
So i had a pimple in my nose. It was terrible. I couldn't think for 5 days. The only thought in my head was "damn it this hurts." To make matters worse my nose turned as red as an Old Spice Deodorant stick. Terrible.
For the record, Koreans take great care of their appearance. There are mirrors everywhere. Everywhere. 60% of their buildings are concrete, 20% is made of mirrors. You cant get on an elevator without someone fixing their perfectly fine hair, straightening their collar, or picking non-existent lint of their shiny blazer. Even the dudes invest copious amounts of time in their presentation of self.
So i had to teach all week with an active volcano brewing inside my sniffer. It was red, swollen and painful. Terrible. If the kids can notice that i clipped my fingernails they were surely going to notice their teacher has a flaming, red hot infected nose. They did.
I walk into class to them whispering in Korean. Finally one of them says, "Teacher drinky soju?"
Ha! they thought the reason i had a red clown nose was because i was drinking before class! (They've never noticed before...)
"Teacher Noodle poo!"
Now what is "noodle poo" one may ask? Well it stumped me the first time i heard it too. I had no f'in clue. "What the hell are you calling me?" After some miming and KONGLISH it came to my realization they were trying to say Rudolph- You know THE red nosed reindeer?
Noodle Poo = Rudolph
Each class i pretended to know nothing about "noodle poo" to steer their concentration away from the massive zit in the middle of my face. It worked with some of the kids, others drew some pretty decent pictures of cartoon "noodle poos." oh well you win some and you lose some...
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Im coming home, I'm depressed
I'm not depressed. Apparently the last post was kinda dark. A couple folks have asked if I am OK. This is what happens when novice writers create something that is read by a few folks. I am fine! I am definitely having a good time over here.
I tried to convey in the last post that the WOWness factor has worn off. Its not a bad thing. I've just become accustomed to many of the "quirky" aspects of korean culture. Seeing Silkworm larvae as bar snacks, watching men and women smack each other around in public, experiencing overt racism with a twist of celebrity status, filling up on sushi for 6 US dollars, kareoke singing rooms, nude korean bath houses, drinks not served at restaurants, effeminate males dominating the dating scene, people everywhere screaming into loud speakers, the lack of good beer, unlimited 1 dollar bottles of booze, mini mountains everywhere, walking over vomit piles of ramen noodles - all of these things no longer come as a surprise. Like i said this is like a bad movie that you enjoy because of how bad it is. But all in all things are going very well. Like Dan said, as white american males we are playing with a stacked deck. Being paid to fly around the world and speak my native tongue is alright.
So i had my two amigos Jon Baker and Jon Coon come to visit this past weekend. The ole boys left their better halves at home. The plans was to talk about farts and chicks all night long.
I got a little rowdy the previous night with some friends from work. We went to this little hole in the wall place down a dark alley. It was awesome. We sat around and ate spicy chicken (galbi) and drank more than our share of Soju. By the end of the evening we were doing Toefl Speaking Questions- "If you were camping, would you rather have wet socks or wet underwear for the whole trip?" It was a jolly ole time.
The next afternoon came a little too soon.
Ok so I every morning, I mean EVERY MORNING, between 8 and 9 Some asshole drives around screaming into a loud speaker trying to sell his breakfast slop. I can hear him a kilometer away. Its terrible. Every morning I contemplate throwing something at him, slashing his tires or just running out there and screaming at him in my devil tongue. I mean it drives everyone insane. This particular morning my head was throbbing a little too hard for me to do anything besides taking great pleasure in planning his demise.
Jon and Jon arrived around 2. We Decided to go up to for a little hike. We boogied out of town the the Sang Dang Fortress. it is a 4 KM wall built around a little korean village on Mt Uam. Its a pretty cool little hike. We decided to grab some food before our jaunt. We decided on the Spicy Octopus Soup. We also had 2 kettles of Makgeolli (Korean rice wine that you drink out of tin bowls) which may or may not have been a good idea seeing that it is winter and ice also exists in korea.
ABout 20 minutes into the hike Jon C decided to run and try slide standing up on the ice. Well he slipped and slid down an ever so slightly descending path in slow motion. He probably slid 15-20 meters in the time span of 5 seconds. As i type this i am laughing. It was pretty funny.
After the fortress we hit up a virtual golf place. My buddy Dan joined us. He also has a better half that was left at home. We tracked a bunch of mud into the place. drank beer and soju, ate some free corn dogs, hit things, talked about farts - you know DUUUDES NIGHT!!! This was the first time i was able to complete 9 holes in virtual golf with out injuring my self. The 2 previous times I walked, or rather limped away, with self inflicted injuries. What can i say, Im a klutz.
After golf we got some galmaegisal. This stuff is awesome. Little chunks of marinated beef steak, grilled over charcoal at your table. We sat on these little stools in a large transparent tent eating grilled meat wrapped in rice and lettuce while taking shots of korean grain alcohol. DUUUUDES NIGHT!
Later we hit up a few bars and told off color jokes that would get us fired from Middleton High school
One of the nice things about the bar scene in Korea is that the bars are open as long as people are willing and able to drink. We played some pool, yelled along with some Johnny Cash and had some more beers until maybe 5am. DUUUUDES NIGHT!
After we had our fill we got some late night Korean food and passed out while watching Jim Gafigan. "HOT POCKETS!"
The next morning was a little rough. We woke up and stumbled downtown to get some burgers. Being it DUUDES WEEKEND i decided to get the manliest thing i could get the Koreans to concoct. I made them make me a Bacon Cheese Burger with a Grilled Chicken Breast and a Fried Egg. Shortly after inhaling it i went into cardiac arrest. The rest of Dudes Morning was spent digesting that manwhich.
All in all, dudes weekend was a success.
I tried to convey in the last post that the WOWness factor has worn off. Its not a bad thing. I've just become accustomed to many of the "quirky" aspects of korean culture. Seeing Silkworm larvae as bar snacks, watching men and women smack each other around in public, experiencing overt racism with a twist of celebrity status, filling up on sushi for 6 US dollars, kareoke singing rooms, nude korean bath houses, drinks not served at restaurants, effeminate males dominating the dating scene, people everywhere screaming into loud speakers, the lack of good beer, unlimited 1 dollar bottles of booze, mini mountains everywhere, walking over vomit piles of ramen noodles - all of these things no longer come as a surprise. Like i said this is like a bad movie that you enjoy because of how bad it is. But all in all things are going very well. Like Dan said, as white american males we are playing with a stacked deck. Being paid to fly around the world and speak my native tongue is alright.
So i had my two amigos Jon Baker and Jon Coon come to visit this past weekend. The ole boys left their better halves at home. The plans was to talk about farts and chicks all night long.
I got a little rowdy the previous night with some friends from work. We went to this little hole in the wall place down a dark alley. It was awesome. We sat around and ate spicy chicken (galbi) and drank more than our share of Soju. By the end of the evening we were doing Toefl Speaking Questions- "If you were camping, would you rather have wet socks or wet underwear for the whole trip?" It was a jolly ole time.
The next afternoon came a little too soon.
Ok so I every morning, I mean EVERY MORNING, between 8 and 9 Some asshole drives around screaming into a loud speaker trying to sell his breakfast slop. I can hear him a kilometer away. Its terrible. Every morning I contemplate throwing something at him, slashing his tires or just running out there and screaming at him in my devil tongue. I mean it drives everyone insane. This particular morning my head was throbbing a little too hard for me to do anything besides taking great pleasure in planning his demise.
Jon and Jon arrived around 2. We Decided to go up to for a little hike. We boogied out of town the the Sang Dang Fortress. it is a 4 KM wall built around a little korean village on Mt Uam. Its a pretty cool little hike. We decided to grab some food before our jaunt. We decided on the Spicy Octopus Soup. We also had 2 kettles of Makgeolli (Korean rice wine that you drink out of tin bowls) which may or may not have been a good idea seeing that it is winter and ice also exists in korea.
ABout 20 minutes into the hike Jon C decided to run and try slide standing up on the ice. Well he slipped and slid down an ever so slightly descending path in slow motion. He probably slid 15-20 meters in the time span of 5 seconds. As i type this i am laughing. It was pretty funny.
After the fortress we hit up a virtual golf place. My buddy Dan joined us. He also has a better half that was left at home. We tracked a bunch of mud into the place. drank beer and soju, ate some free corn dogs, hit things, talked about farts - you know DUUUDES NIGHT!!! This was the first time i was able to complete 9 holes in virtual golf with out injuring my self. The 2 previous times I walked, or rather limped away, with self inflicted injuries. What can i say, Im a klutz.
After golf we got some galmaegisal. This stuff is awesome. Little chunks of marinated beef steak, grilled over charcoal at your table. We sat on these little stools in a large transparent tent eating grilled meat wrapped in rice and lettuce while taking shots of korean grain alcohol. DUUUUDES NIGHT!
Later we hit up a few bars and told off color jokes that would get us fired from Middleton High school
One of the nice things about the bar scene in Korea is that the bars are open as long as people are willing and able to drink. We played some pool, yelled along with some Johnny Cash and had some more beers until maybe 5am. DUUUUDES NIGHT!
After we had our fill we got some late night Korean food and passed out while watching Jim Gafigan. "HOT POCKETS!"
The next morning was a little rough. We woke up and stumbled downtown to get some burgers. Being it DUUDES WEEKEND i decided to get the manliest thing i could get the Koreans to concoct. I made them make me a Bacon Cheese Burger with a Grilled Chicken Breast and a Fried Egg. Shortly after inhaling it i went into cardiac arrest. The rest of Dudes Morning was spent digesting that manwhich.
All in all, dudes weekend was a success.
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