This past weekend I left my dong and decided to head on down to meet up with a few college friends living in Gwangju, a bustling metropolis a couple hundred kilometers from my home. Thank god my travel buddy Jesseca came with me, otherwise I wouldn’t have made it.
Now I was really excited to get to Gwangju this weekend. I mean, who could possibly turn down and opportunity to party at the 8th largest cultural festival in Korea. Hell, it’s the 14th anniversary! To avoid confusion on my travel day, I deceided to go to the bus station earlier in the week to hammer out the details of my trip- which bus, what time, etc. I even wrote down my inquiries in Korean in order to navigate the language barrier. After all, Proper Prior Planning Prevents Piss Poor Payoffs. I would leave Saturday Morning!
Friday night rolled around and I was invited to go to a Korean bar with an elder Korean friend and some others. You cant say no to an elder! Seriously. Age is the trump card in Korea. What ever he says goes. No matter what. IF an elder invites you somewhere you MUST go. If the elders suggests something and you dot do it you are deemed disrespectful. IF you Drink with an elder you must, no joke, turn away from them. You cant look at them when you drink! It is something to experience….
So we ended up getting some food and having some MakJu and Soju at a Korean college bar in the university district of our city. University districts are similar anywhere you go; slutty lookin girls trying to look classy, trash everywhere a bunch of drunk people, street venders selling crappy old food, and people selling baby rabbits.
One of the Koreans and I snuck out and went to the batting cages. Drunk batting cages are fun. There is just something about trying to smash a ball flying at you at 120 km/hr that, if successful, makes one feel incredibly masculine. Add some 2 dollar Korean potato liquor to the equation and you have yourself some cheap entertainment.
The others figured out our whereabouts and joined us. We paired up and had a little competition for the next round of drinks. Our fearless drunk elder decided the rules. I hit successfully 6 out of 13 my partner hit 3. Our opponents combined for 6. The elder wanted a rematch because he’d been beaten and woul likely have to pay for his juniors portion of the aforementioned bet. So we play again. But this time the Elder calls every ball I hit foul. I call bullshit, figuring he is joking around and look to my partner for support. I was met with a whisper, “He is the elder, there is nothing we can do.”
Seriously. You cant make this shit up! So the elder goes and doesn’t hit a ball. He decides that he gets to try again. The others say nothing because after all fairness in a bet means nothing if someone is 5 years your senior. Where am I?
He hits a couple balls we end up winning again and drinking imported beers in a dirty underground bar- taking turns buying rounds until 5am.
Due to the late night debauchery on Friday my “Proper Prior Planning” Protocol didn’t Prevent Piss Poor Performance of my travel duties the following morning….
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Kim Chi Fest
Kim Chi. The Spicy, Garlicy, Sauerkraut-like staple of the Korean Diet. Yum yum. This stuff is served with literally everything. KimChi Soup, Kimchi Mondu, Kimchi stirfry, Kimchi seaweed rolls, Kimchi flavored toothpaste. Each Province is known for their own variety of kim chi. In germany they fight over who makes the best beer, Here they fight over who makes the best fermented cabbage. One can not under-emphasize the cultural importance of this smelly side dish. Like squirrels the Koreans bury it in the ground for the winter months. Many koreans think that kimchi ingestion is reason Koreans have NO HAIR on their body. - No Joke.
I am going to the Kim Chi Festival this weekend in Southern Korea, GwangJu to be specific. Jon and Annie Live down there and we are going to try to learn more about powerful kimchi. It should be a good time.
Here are a couple videos that accurately depict an expat's life in Korea:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TBxaQHbhWjU
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WMt44wpvYqw
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QjBfy_HVoSM
Monday, October 19, 2009
Korean Managerial Philosophy
As expected Ive been pretty bad about keeping up to date on this whole blog thing... I cant believe that Chuseok was 2 weeks ago. Let alone that Ive been here for 9 weeks. Time flys when you're having fun right? right...
Since i was hired in August, i havent had a single conversation with the director of my school. Occasionally we'll pass one another and offer a brief greeting. Though these fleeting encounters are shallow acknowledgments of the other's existence, they've taught me quite a lot- like your superior can say whatever the hell they want such as "You are ugly" or "You are fat" which have both happened on multiple occasions. Here are 3 that come to mind:
1. The first instance was one of my first weeks here. The students were complaining about being hot and were begging me to turn up the airconditioner. Naturally, I granted their wish and left to room to adjust the temperature. At the front desk my boss was talking with half a dozen other Korean teachers and assistants. The encounter unfolded as follows:
"Ahnyeonghaseyo"
"Haha, Hello Kiyo. Are you teachy now?"
"Yea, the students were complaining it was too hot in the room so I am turning up the Air Con."
"Hahaha!! Are you sure its not because you are too fat!" Laughing, she pokes my stomach and turns to everyone else.
Here is where i blacked out and slapped the bitch.
2. A pubescent teenage girl freaked out when i picked up some of her "get out of detention free cards." She began screaming at me in Korean. I was amused by this. "I dont speak Korean" i told her. She immediately starts crying and snags her phone and speed dials her mom. This all happened in the course of 15 seconds. She is balling and yelling into the phone at her mom. I promptly give her the precious 1" x 1" pieces of paper and tell her to hang up the phone. Another teacher was in the room so i let her handle the rest of class so i could inform the director of the ridiculous events that had just transpired before she could hear about it from a crazy chic's concerned mother. The director was walking through the front office but this time with teachers AND students:
"Hi kiyo"
"Hi, there is something i need to tell you. Do you have a minute?"
"For you, only 59 nine secund."
"I accidentally made a girl cry in class right now and I'd rather you hear the story from me than from her parents."
"Is it because you are fat and ugly? haha" and she casually walks away.
After I reminded myself that this is not a dream- I am living in a so-called "developed, civilized and diverse country" and for some reason i still want to work for this open-minded and respectful woman- I reluctantly followed the walking verbal diarhetic to explain myself only to be brushed aside and virtually ignored.
3. This weekend on a trip to Seoul for an unpaid work training for 7 of the American teachers, we packed 9 people in a mini-van at 8 am after we all went out til 4am the previous morning. During the 1.5 hr ride the topic of volunteering came up I mentioned how i was interested in volunteering with English speakers who manage to find themselves in the Korean penal system.
My Diarhetic Director (DD): "I dont know if you can vorunteer Kiyo"
"Really? because I am a foreigner?
"No because you are not handsome, and fat and 'blah blah blah.' hahaa"
All the Americans in the car were taken aback, and told her that i was handsome by American Standards (Thanks ladies) A few even mumbled that in the States it's not OK to say that.
DD then goes on to say that its ok because she likes skinny men and not fat men. Minutes later my knee accidentally hits the button to roll down the window. DD promptly reminds everyone that she had called me fat earlier and that she was right about my stature.
This my friends is South Korea.
Since i was hired in August, i havent had a single conversation with the director of my school. Occasionally we'll pass one another and offer a brief greeting. Though these fleeting encounters are shallow acknowledgments of the other's existence, they've taught me quite a lot- like your superior can say whatever the hell they want such as "You are ugly" or "You are fat" which have both happened on multiple occasions. Here are 3 that come to mind:
1. The first instance was one of my first weeks here. The students were complaining about being hot and were begging me to turn up the airconditioner. Naturally, I granted their wish and left to room to adjust the temperature. At the front desk my boss was talking with half a dozen other Korean teachers and assistants. The encounter unfolded as follows:
"Ahnyeonghaseyo"
"Haha, Hello Kiyo. Are you teachy now?"
"Yea, the students were complaining it was too hot in the room so I am turning up the Air Con."
"Hahaha!! Are you sure its not because you are too fat!" Laughing, she pokes my stomach and turns to everyone else.
Here is where i blacked out and slapped the bitch.
2. A pubescent teenage girl freaked out when i picked up some of her "get out of detention free cards." She began screaming at me in Korean. I was amused by this. "I dont speak Korean" i told her. She immediately starts crying and snags her phone and speed dials her mom. This all happened in the course of 15 seconds. She is balling and yelling into the phone at her mom. I promptly give her the precious 1" x 1" pieces of paper and tell her to hang up the phone. Another teacher was in the room so i let her handle the rest of class so i could inform the director of the ridiculous events that had just transpired before she could hear about it from a crazy chic's concerned mother. The director was walking through the front office but this time with teachers AND students:
"Hi kiyo"
"Hi, there is something i need to tell you. Do you have a minute?"
"For you, only 59 nine secund."
"I accidentally made a girl cry in class right now and I'd rather you hear the story from me than from her parents."
"Is it because you are fat and ugly? haha" and she casually walks away.
After I reminded myself that this is not a dream- I am living in a so-called "developed, civilized and diverse country" and for some reason i still want to work for this open-minded and respectful woman- I reluctantly followed the walking verbal diarhetic to explain myself only to be brushed aside and virtually ignored.
3. This weekend on a trip to Seoul for an unpaid work training for 7 of the American teachers, we packed 9 people in a mini-van at 8 am after we all went out til 4am the previous morning. During the 1.5 hr ride the topic of volunteering came up I mentioned how i was interested in volunteering with English speakers who manage to find themselves in the Korean penal system.
My Diarhetic Director (DD): "I dont know if you can vorunteer Kiyo"
"Really? because I am a foreigner?
"No because you are not handsome, and fat and 'blah blah blah.' hahaa"
All the Americans in the car were taken aback, and told her that i was handsome by American Standards (Thanks ladies) A few even mumbled that in the States it's not OK to say that.
DD then goes on to say that its ok because she likes skinny men and not fat men. Minutes later my knee accidentally hits the button to roll down the window. DD promptly reminds everyone that she had called me fat earlier and that she was right about my stature.
This my friends is South Korea.
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Chuseok
So Chuseok is the Korean version of Thankgiving. It is a harvest celebration, an ancestral worship and time to showcase patriarchal values. Korea is 10 years behind the US in Fashion, and 50 yrs behind in social equality. They can be quite xenophobic. So far Ive been kicked out of stores for being white, been told i can't sit at a certain table in a restaurant/bar because it might anger other koreans, and had cabs pass me plenty of times. That said it was pretty cool to be invited to a traditional Korean family dinner.
I went to my Korean friend Seung Min's house with a few gals from work. We were there for an entire day and night. We made Songpyong- a weird staple of Chuseok. They take dry white rice, grind it up, add water and mix. The result is a flavorless dough. Then we add beans or sesame paste and roll them up in to balls. Normally this is a woman’s job- specifically the wife of the elder brother of the family. If the balls are misshaped the culinary artist will be cursed with ugly children. The flavorless balls are stacked in pine needles and then steamed. Just another weird dish in Korea.
ANYWAY.
WE ate dinner with Seung Mins whole family, on the floor. I was not a fan of the dining set up. Sitting on the floor and eating is simply the opposite of comfortable, even for a flexible gymnast like me. I couldnt touch my toes doing the "sit and reach" for the first 22 years of my life. Needless to say sitting on the floor, shoulder to shoulder, with two sleeping feet, trying to chopstick my food, while absorbing the stares of my Korean elders was a challenging endeavor. I survived, but i was sore fore a few days.
After dinner 4 of us went out for some drinks and a little Noreabong action (Korean karaoke) I had my first traditional "somaek" shot- Soju and Beer. Then a Stacked Korean Car Bomb- Soju coke and beer. After a few hours of drinking, chatting and relaxing IN A CHAIR, we returned home to find that i have to sleep 4 wide on the floor in the living room with Seung Mins uncle and cousin.
The racket started at 6 am. Mama started cooking and banging things around. Chuseok is a harvest fest and a time to worship ancestors. They cook this huge elaborate meal, and set the table in a very strict specific way. For instance all the meat must be on the east side of the table, everything must me odd in number- 3 pears, 5 fish, 7 random korean egg mysteries. They also put their address in a very special frame on the table and open the front door and the window so their ancestors can find the breakfast table and let themselves in. After the table is set up the women leave the room. The men then light an incense stick, and we all bow a few times. Then the men take turns pouring makgeolli (rice wine) into a bowl (for the ancestors) and placing the incense on a different dish. More bowing. Then the men drink the makgeolli. Everyone is silent except for the reigning elder. It was a pretty surreal thing to be apart of. I think i did ok. I had no idea what i was doing, but i dont think i offended anyone with my effort.
Once the ritual is over you would think its time to dig in, right? Wrong. The food is for the ancestors. We dont get to eat it! The men take down the table and put away all the food. They burn the paper that the address was written on and bring out different tables (more floor sitting). We then eat the left overs from the previous night and only some of the things that were on the table a few short minutes ago. I was pretty let down, some of the food smelled pretty damn good!
I took some photos and there are plenty others here:
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2208146&id=59502786&l=6a0e589d48
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Seoul Searching
So My two favorite americans Ive met here are leaving, involuntarily. Megan and Caleb were fired because Megan got the Swine Flu. I'm pretty sure the school broke the legally binding contract. But what do i know? M and C are not planning on going home quietly so this could get interesting. They have the Law on their side, or so they think...
I am really going to miss them. Everyone at my school is either here with a significant other, or settled in with someone. M & C are adventurous, thrill-seeking, hippish, art students. We do fun things. I may go crazy because some of the other teachers are Valley Girl, sorority chicks who talk excessively about girly girl shit like the hottest new TV dramas, fashion or how they miss everything about the US. But they are nice and fun to party with... Sometimes all you want is a little slice of English in this country...
ANYWAY
Last weekend I went up to Seoul. I met up with my buddy, and Nick Igl's college roommate, Jon Coon and his girl friend Taniya (See! everyone comes here with a significant other...) We went out for Galbi, a Korean style barbecue, where you grill the meat at your table. I flirted with the 16 yr old waitress, and made small talk about her blood type.
me: "How old are you?"
petite little lassy: "Im 17" (which actually means 16 in Korea)
me: "Cool. Whats your blood type?"
I think Jon and Taniya actually dropped their chopsticks. They couldnt believe the conversation they had just witnessed. It was pretty frickin funny for someone who doesnt know that every korean knows their blood type and treats it like their astrological sign. We all laughed about this exchange for probably 10 minutes. Then we had some more soju.
After a stop at "Space Bar," an Outer Space Theme Bar, where we crashed a birthday party and i pulled the ole' kiss me on the cheek then turn and kiss 'em on the lips, we went CLUBBIN! I wore my chacos and a tee shirt. I epitomize Midwestern Wisconsin. I was boogyin pretty hard in an underground club. I brought my bag of trick to Korea. The Korean women were all over me! Well not really. Actually not at all. I was the big creepy dude hanging out in front of the Air conditioner and fog machine occasionally busting a move and yelling "KOREA NUMBER 1"
We spent the night at a Jimjilbong, a nude Korean Spa. This is a sight. Jimjilbongs are kinda like Turkish baths with large hot tubs, cold tubs and saunas, but at the jimjilbongs people sleep over. Koreans just pass out all over the place. In the locker room some are sound asleep, naked on the floor. For those that would like to sleep with their clothes on you can sleep in a korean version of hospital scrubs in a huge gymnasium complete with big screen tvs, computers, and sleeping pads. All this for 7000 won (6 $) Who need a hotel when you can sleep naked on the bathroom floor?
The next day we Spahhhed it up. We wondered around Seoul for a while. I ate some overpriced spicy chicken intestines, and brown sugar filled pancakes. We meandered through the streets, and went to an English bookstore. I bought Downtown Owl, Chuck Klostermans novel. All in all it was an uneventful trip to Seoul.
Oh Korea
I am really going to miss them. Everyone at my school is either here with a significant other, or settled in with someone. M & C are adventurous, thrill-seeking, hippish, art students. We do fun things. I may go crazy because some of the other teachers are Valley Girl, sorority chicks who talk excessively about girly girl shit like the hottest new TV dramas, fashion or how they miss everything about the US. But they are nice and fun to party with... Sometimes all you want is a little slice of English in this country...
ANYWAY
Last weekend I went up to Seoul. I met up with my buddy, and Nick Igl's college roommate, Jon Coon and his girl friend Taniya (See! everyone comes here with a significant other...) We went out for Galbi, a Korean style barbecue, where you grill the meat at your table. I flirted with the 16 yr old waitress, and made small talk about her blood type.
me: "How old are you?"
petite little lassy: "Im 17" (which actually means 16 in Korea)
me: "Cool. Whats your blood type?"
I think Jon and Taniya actually dropped their chopsticks. They couldnt believe the conversation they had just witnessed. It was pretty frickin funny for someone who doesnt know that every korean knows their blood type and treats it like their astrological sign. We all laughed about this exchange for probably 10 minutes. Then we had some more soju.
After a stop at "Space Bar," an Outer Space Theme Bar, where we crashed a birthday party and i pulled the ole' kiss me on the cheek then turn and kiss 'em on the lips, we went CLUBBIN! I wore my chacos and a tee shirt. I epitomize Midwestern Wisconsin. I was boogyin pretty hard in an underground club. I brought my bag of trick to Korea. The Korean women were all over me! Well not really. Actually not at all. I was the big creepy dude hanging out in front of the Air conditioner and fog machine occasionally busting a move and yelling "KOREA NUMBER 1"
We spent the night at a Jimjilbong, a nude Korean Spa. This is a sight. Jimjilbongs are kinda like Turkish baths with large hot tubs, cold tubs and saunas, but at the jimjilbongs people sleep over. Koreans just pass out all over the place. In the locker room some are sound asleep, naked on the floor. For those that would like to sleep with their clothes on you can sleep in a korean version of hospital scrubs in a huge gymnasium complete with big screen tvs, computers, and sleeping pads. All this for 7000 won (6 $) Who need a hotel when you can sleep naked on the bathroom floor?
The next day we Spahhhed it up. We wondered around Seoul for a while. I ate some overpriced spicy chicken intestines, and brown sugar filled pancakes. We meandered through the streets, and went to an English bookstore. I bought Downtown Owl, Chuck Klostermans novel. All in all it was an uneventful trip to Seoul.
Oh Korea
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