Last Thursday at school was like any other Thursday. I "taught" low level middle school students- which is to say I pretty much talk at blank stares, write words on the board, and make farm animal noises to break the awkward dead silence. I also teach a intermediate- high intermediate elementary class. This class is a wild card. They always have a lot of energy. This can either be fun or a headache.
For example they have this book they hate called Skill Bags. They've renamed it Kill Bags. To be fair some of the topics are just plain terrible. We've done topics like elevators and the history of paper. Riveting topics right?
The kids never want to do the book work. To be honest some days I just dont feel like talking about the history of paper to a bunch of chopsticks on a perpetual sugar high. But because their parents paid for the book I have to go over it in class.
Every Tuesday and Thursday at about 8:45 a variation of this interaction can be witnessed:
"Hey Lee Put your cell phone away and turn off that terrible music. Jack why are you standing by the window? Jenny get off the desk. Take out your Kill Bags"
"Teachahhh Play game......" One will say in a long sad complaint.
"Maybe if we... LEE, DAMN IT SIT DOWN, LEAVE JENNY ALONE AND PUT THAT PHONE AWAY!"
"Teachaaaaahhh PLAY GAME!!!"
Then the kids in unison scream, " KYLE BEST! KYLE BEST! KYLE BEST! KYLE BEST!"
"Hey hey hey now, Let just get through this then we can.."
"KYLE WORST! KYLE WORST! KYLE WORST!" The tide changes.
Everyday this happens.
In this class i have a spoiled rotten little shit who tries to make my life hell. He is the oldest guy in the class. He has peach fuzz that rivals my own. Maybe I hate him for that... I dunno. None the less he's a little shit everyday. This particular Thursday he wouldnt put his cellphone and ipod away. He kept playing with them and distracting the whole class. After a few stern chair kicks and table slaps I was able to intimidate him enough to hand 'em over.
He then swore at me in korean. "She bal" which means something like fuck you. I laughed and pretty much told him i thought he was a spoiled little bitch and i was going to give him detention for being said bitch. He tells me that he wont go to detention. I shrugged it off and continued Kill Bags.
Then I gave the entire class an essay in Lee's honor. "All right class because Lee is a little cocksucker you all have to write an essay. It's a free topic, write anything you want." The chopstix wrote essays like "why i love Kyle" and "why I hate Avalon"
Lee of course wrote the essay "Why I hate Kyle" which I am totally ok with, as long as it is a good essay. He of course wrote 5 sentences, so I tried to get him to explain himself with reasons and details.
"Tell me more about 'Kyle is ugly.' Why is the ugliest thing about Kyle? You say here 'Kyle is a pervert' Why does this make you hate him?" This really pissed him off. His expression of hatred had been turned into an opportunity for me to try to teach him something.
After class when everyone lined up at the door. I told Lee to sit his yellow ass down because he had detention.
Being the bad-ass tough guy he tries to be everyday he says, "Im not going. give me my phone and ipod." I then realized i still had probably 500$ worth of electronics in my possession that belonged to him.
I laughed. "Ha ha ha. NO."
I let everyone leave as Lee paced in the room like a caged animal. "Why?!?!" He screamed and tried to shove passed me. "WHY!!!!!!" HE screamed some Korean at me and tried to shove me and get passed me. Im 8 inches taller and have about 80 pounds on him so I laugh and call him a girl. "Lee you aren't so tough anymore are you?"
I call over some Korean workers at the school and we march him up to detention. It felt good.
I checked on him probably 15 minutes into detention. He had his head down. I went in there to tell him to catch up on all the Homework he has neglected to do. He lifts his head and he is silently balling. I mean puddles on the desk crying. I feel bad. The first thought that goes through my mind is that this kid, like every other little chopstick, probably gets the shit kicked out of him at home.
I try talking to him about what he did. He cried and kicked and said a bunch of shit in Korean. He likely didn't understand anything I was saying. I mean if i was balling and some foreigner is trying to speak their foreign language at me i probably wouldn't be able to translate in a such an extreme state of emotion.
I let him go back in the room and gave him back his things.
I went to talk to his Korean Teacher. Apparently I am 0-2 in copying Korean Text in important situations. I wrote down the wrong kid's name for detention. I wrote my prize student's name down. So she called the good kids parents instead of the rotten kids parents. The good kid probably came home and got the shit kicked out of him because his dumbass American teacher copied the wrong name down.
Again I felt bad.
The day ended after probably making 2 kids cry.
So i wen tot my desk to reflect on my successes and failures of the day. Then the head Korean teacher asked me if i liked raw fish.
"DO I!"
"Gweat Ky Yo come with us then"
Then another Korean teacher gestured to me that we'd be drinking.
"Im in. Lets go." Little did I know that this would ruin my three month anniversary in the R.O.K.
That was my Thursday.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Sports day
So our school rented a school gymnasium for a Sports Day! The owners, the teachers, the bus drivers everyone made it out for the event. It was mostly Koreans there were only 6 of us foreigners. There were prizes. So I knew i was in for a day excitement.
WE drew for random teams earlier in the week. Knowing that we were going to play volleyball, I talked trash all week. Due to the language barrier my trash talking was limited to "B TEAM NUMBER ONE!"
The night previous, I somehow found myself in a Korean Chicken Parlor then A Kareoke Room until 5 am. I was definitely belting out Scarborough Fair, Avril Lavine, Bon Jovi- everything. Soju makes you do funny things.
The next morning came too soon. We were supposed to meet at the school at 11am then go out to eat. One of my team members woke me up at 10:55. I through on my Packer Zuba Pants and my pink Recreation Champion shirt and scurried to meet them at a restaurant.
Now Koreans eat the same thing morning, day and night. Its normally a combination of meat/protein(spam, pork, tofu) spicy sauce, and fermented veggies. Yum... There is no better anecdote for a hangover like fermented cucumbers and spicy spam.
We all loaded into a bus and took off for the school for MAIN EVENT a bit after noon.
The very first event was a relay race, but this was no run of the mill relay race in a school gymnasium. We had to run across the gym and chug a glass of Korean rice wine can Makali. I will repeat that. We had a chugging competition/ relay race in middle school gymnasium. I cant make this shit up.
We then play volleyball on a HUGE court. The boundaries were the lines of a full size basketball court. We played 8 on 8 or something ridiculous. Naturally i played like a complete ball hog. It was ok because the opposing Korean men did the same. When in Rome!
Imagine the biggest dude in the gym, dressed in Zubba pants and a bright headband, barreling over the Korean toothpicks like a dog chasing a ball. IT WAS AWESOME.
Of course our team won the tournament. Afterwords, the bus drivers beckoned for me to join them in the corner of the gym. They handed me a paper cup of the Makali, said some things in Korean, laughed and we all chugged the weird tasting alcohol. We did this a few times. Only in Korea can I slam liquor with bus drivers in a school gymnasium.
Our team took second place due to some elder bullshit, again. The eldest man in the gym decided to play by his own rules, and every cheered him on. Whatever. Ive gotten used to it. As a prize for second place we all got bars of "Say Angel Berry Soap." I now must show up to work smelling like a teenage girl.
Ta Ta for now!
WE drew for random teams earlier in the week. Knowing that we were going to play volleyball, I talked trash all week. Due to the language barrier my trash talking was limited to "B TEAM NUMBER ONE!"
The night previous, I somehow found myself in a Korean Chicken Parlor then A Kareoke Room until 5 am. I was definitely belting out Scarborough Fair, Avril Lavine, Bon Jovi- everything. Soju makes you do funny things.
The next morning came too soon. We were supposed to meet at the school at 11am then go out to eat. One of my team members woke me up at 10:55. I through on my Packer Zuba Pants and my pink Recreation Champion shirt and scurried to meet them at a restaurant.
Now Koreans eat the same thing morning, day and night. Its normally a combination of meat/protein(spam, pork, tofu) spicy sauce, and fermented veggies. Yum... There is no better anecdote for a hangover like fermented cucumbers and spicy spam.
We all loaded into a bus and took off for the school for MAIN EVENT a bit after noon.
The very first event was a relay race, but this was no run of the mill relay race in a school gymnasium. We had to run across the gym and chug a glass of Korean rice wine can Makali. I will repeat that. We had a chugging competition/ relay race in middle school gymnasium. I cant make this shit up.
We then play volleyball on a HUGE court. The boundaries were the lines of a full size basketball court. We played 8 on 8 or something ridiculous. Naturally i played like a complete ball hog. It was ok because the opposing Korean men did the same. When in Rome!
Imagine the biggest dude in the gym, dressed in Zubba pants and a bright headband, barreling over the Korean toothpicks like a dog chasing a ball. IT WAS AWESOME.
Of course our team won the tournament. Afterwords, the bus drivers beckoned for me to join them in the corner of the gym. They handed me a paper cup of the Makali, said some things in Korean, laughed and we all chugged the weird tasting alcohol. We did this a few times. Only in Korea can I slam liquor with bus drivers in a school gymnasium.
Our team took second place due to some elder bullshit, again. The eldest man in the gym decided to play by his own rules, and every cheered him on. Whatever. Ive gotten used to it. As a prize for second place we all got bars of "Say Angel Berry Soap." I now must show up to work smelling like a teenage girl.
Ta Ta for now!
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Living in Paradise
Hey Kyle, Is living in Korea Paradise?
No.
The luster of living in foreign land has worn off. I am now a man of routines. I sleep everyday til around 1pm. I shower, drink some powdered dry beans and milk and head off to the dog and pony show. "Look parents we have REAL AMERICANS teaching your spoiled rugrats!"
I work for business. I dont work for a school. This makes me not a teacher but an employee. I am not paid to foster a sound teaching environment and transfer knowledge. I am paid to look like a presentable American and do my best not to have students complain to their parents. Parental contentment is the highest priority.
Whatever its all good.
I was told by a coworker, "Once you take this job seriously, you'll drive yourself insane." He was a head teacher.
Oh Korea
No.
The luster of living in foreign land has worn off. I am now a man of routines. I sleep everyday til around 1pm. I shower, drink some powdered dry beans and milk and head off to the dog and pony show. "Look parents we have REAL AMERICANS teaching your spoiled rugrats!"
I work for business. I dont work for a school. This makes me not a teacher but an employee. I am not paid to foster a sound teaching environment and transfer knowledge. I am paid to look like a presentable American and do my best not to have students complain to their parents. Parental contentment is the highest priority.
Whatever its all good.
I was told by a coworker, "Once you take this job seriously, you'll drive yourself insane." He was a head teacher.
Oh Korea
Sunday, November 1, 2009
what am i doing
Ok So it is no secret that I don't put BLOG WRITING high on my priority list and rarely make time for it. When I do update the blog I end up writing in huge chunks. Things happen everyday here that blow my mind. For example I saw a really shitty tequila, Pepe Lopez, with a retail price of 30,000 won- 30 dollars. Does this warrant a blog topic? I dunno. Its my first blog. I dont know what I am doing. Either read it or don't.
Treat yourself if you see fit...
I went to a Korean Fortress. Here are some pictures. I wanna start a picasa or flickr account. But for now these will have to:
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2210845&id=59502786&l=6f6d516bc7
Treat yourself if you see fit...
I went to a Korean Fortress. Here are some pictures. I wanna start a picasa or flickr account. But for now these will have to:
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2210845&id=59502786&l=6f6d516bc7
I should learn to read and write Hangul
I live in Korea. They speak korean. Their alphabet (hangul) is a series of unfamiliar characters representing seemingly identical sounds. Dont believe me? Catch a glimpe of my life of confusion here: Roll over the Korean Characters at the top with your mouse. Everything sounds the same.
I am here to spread the gospel of English. I am paid to be American in front of overworked docile students. In many regards I am very fortunate to be in the position I am. I can travel the world and make money by speaking my native tongue. The trouble comes when you are in a foreign land and want to get shit done. Most of the time I treat every facet of my life as an adventure. The simple task of telling a waitress you need some more soda can result in a plate of spicy peppers and extra silverware. Nothing comes easy...
ANYWAY
So I got a little saucy the night before I boogied on down to Gwangju (Hangul- 광주) to experience the AWESOME that is a festival dedicated to Kim Chi - spicy fermented cabbage.
My Proper Prior Planning would surely Prevent a Piss Poor Performance on my travel day. I even wrote the city name in Hangul (광주) to ensure a smooth travel day. WIth Jesseca at my side what could go wrong?
Gwangju is about 200km from my city. SO i figured about 2 hr drive because it is a bus and it would be too good to be true if 1. The Korean interstate systems was any thing near efficient and 2. I purchased a non-stop ticket.
Jesseca and I boarded the bus at 11 am. I was ready for a nap after a rather late evening of batting cages and imported shitty beer. I was not treated to the easy, smooth, relaxing ride I had expected. The bus was hot, filthy, and packed which is surprising because the Korean buses until this had had been quite the opposite. This particular ride felt less like an express route to a major city and more like going 4 wheeling in my dad's truck.
After 45min of no sleep and fearing for my life, the bus stopped. Everyone got off the bus. We certainly were not dropped off at one of the largest bus terminals in the country. We were not in Gwangju. (광주) Being the Arrogant American I am I curse the country and their people for my misfortunes. Little did i know my half drunk dumbass wrote the wrong city. I wrote 공주 instead of 광주. We had arrived in the dump that is Gongju, not Gwangju.
At the tiny bus station, I busted out my trusty guide book and tried to grab the attention of anyone who looks like they are wearing any sort of uniform and I frantically point to Gwangju on a tiny map of South Korea.
Some Thai guy name Kim befriended Jesseca and charaded for us to follow him. So we bought another bus ticket, not know where we were or where we were going. Again we boarded a stuffy, sticky, stinky, vinyl seated death trap. One cannot exaggerate the dangers of the Korean traffic system. Traffic signals are mere suggestions, zero police force = zero adherence to any agreed upon driving code. There is a reason the R.O.K (Republic of Korea) is consistently ranked in the top 5 of traffic deaths per capita...
After another hour on another bus we end up in a much larger city. Daejon! The trip to Daejon from the city i live in is 2 dollars and abotu 35 minutes. We spent 2 and a half hours and 8 dollars apiece :) I love the language barrier.
We got off the the bus and Kim the Thai man waved us a taxi and shouted at the driver in Korean to take us somewhere. I have no idea what made us trust this Thai man. He was dressed in torn blue jeans and a stained shirt. Conventional wisdom would warrant suspicion of this stranger, who spoke little English and was eager to tell us where to go. Instead we hopped into a cab not knowing where we would end up. This could have easily ended with Jesseca being a sex slave and me in labor camp somewhere north of the DMZ. All this for the hopes and dreams of seeing a festival dedicated to the smelly national food of Korea.
Luckily the Thai people in the ROK can be trusted. WE ended up at a huge bus station. And finally We bought a ticket to 광주 and were on our merry way after 3 hrs of detours.
We arrived in Gwangju with an appetite only rotted spicy cabbage could satiate. Jon met us at the station. We were set to experience all that a KimChi Festival could offer. Unfortunately, by the time we arrived the Kimchi fest was closed. So the cabbage fun would have to wait until the next day :(
That night we went out to eat with Jon and Annie and some of their friends. We sat on the floor (which Jon and I share a love for.) We had some shabu shabu and went a couple bars. We were hit on by some English speaking prostitutes. No big deal. We went to a dance club. I dropped it like it was hot. Jon showed me Gwangjus red light district. A good night was had.
The next day we hit up the festival. Boy was it a blast. Human sized Cabbage mascots, song about Kimchi and copious amounts of fermented spicy vegetables- All of this in the WORLD CUP STADIUM. Yea you are jealous...
Check out the photos here
FACEBOOK PHOTOS
I am here to spread the gospel of English. I am paid to be American in front of overworked docile students. In many regards I am very fortunate to be in the position I am. I can travel the world and make money by speaking my native tongue. The trouble comes when you are in a foreign land and want to get shit done. Most of the time I treat every facet of my life as an adventure. The simple task of telling a waitress you need some more soda can result in a plate of spicy peppers and extra silverware. Nothing comes easy...
ANYWAY
So I got a little saucy the night before I boogied on down to Gwangju (Hangul- 광주) to experience the AWESOME that is a festival dedicated to Kim Chi - spicy fermented cabbage.
My Proper Prior Planning would surely Prevent a Piss Poor Performance on my travel day. I even wrote the city name in Hangul (광주) to ensure a smooth travel day. WIth Jesseca at my side what could go wrong?
Gwangju is about 200km from my city. SO i figured about 2 hr drive because it is a bus and it would be too good to be true if 1. The Korean interstate systems was any thing near efficient and 2. I purchased a non-stop ticket.
Jesseca and I boarded the bus at 11 am. I was ready for a nap after a rather late evening of batting cages and imported shitty beer. I was not treated to the easy, smooth, relaxing ride I had expected. The bus was hot, filthy, and packed which is surprising because the Korean buses until this had had been quite the opposite. This particular ride felt less like an express route to a major city and more like going 4 wheeling in my dad's truck.
After 45min of no sleep and fearing for my life, the bus stopped. Everyone got off the bus. We certainly were not dropped off at one of the largest bus terminals in the country. We were not in Gwangju. (광주) Being the Arrogant American I am I curse the country and their people for my misfortunes. Little did i know my half drunk dumbass wrote the wrong city. I wrote 공주 instead of 광주. We had arrived in the dump that is Gongju, not Gwangju.
At the tiny bus station, I busted out my trusty guide book and tried to grab the attention of anyone who looks like they are wearing any sort of uniform and I frantically point to Gwangju on a tiny map of South Korea.
Some Thai guy name Kim befriended Jesseca and charaded for us to follow him. So we bought another bus ticket, not know where we were or where we were going. Again we boarded a stuffy, sticky, stinky, vinyl seated death trap. One cannot exaggerate the dangers of the Korean traffic system. Traffic signals are mere suggestions, zero police force = zero adherence to any agreed upon driving code. There is a reason the R.O.K (Republic of Korea) is consistently ranked in the top 5 of traffic deaths per capita...
After another hour on another bus we end up in a much larger city. Daejon! The trip to Daejon from the city i live in is 2 dollars and abotu 35 minutes. We spent 2 and a half hours and 8 dollars apiece :) I love the language barrier.
We got off the the bus and Kim the Thai man waved us a taxi and shouted at the driver in Korean to take us somewhere. I have no idea what made us trust this Thai man. He was dressed in torn blue jeans and a stained shirt. Conventional wisdom would warrant suspicion of this stranger, who spoke little English and was eager to tell us where to go. Instead we hopped into a cab not knowing where we would end up. This could have easily ended with Jesseca being a sex slave and me in labor camp somewhere north of the DMZ. All this for the hopes and dreams of seeing a festival dedicated to the smelly national food of Korea.
Luckily the Thai people in the ROK can be trusted. WE ended up at a huge bus station. And finally We bought a ticket to 광주 and were on our merry way after 3 hrs of detours.
We arrived in Gwangju with an appetite only rotted spicy cabbage could satiate. Jon met us at the station. We were set to experience all that a KimChi Festival could offer. Unfortunately, by the time we arrived the Kimchi fest was closed. So the cabbage fun would have to wait until the next day :(
That night we went out to eat with Jon and Annie and some of their friends. We sat on the floor (which Jon and I share a love for.) We had some shabu shabu and went a couple bars. We were hit on by some English speaking prostitutes. No big deal. We went to a dance club. I dropped it like it was hot. Jon showed me Gwangjus red light district. A good night was had.
The next day we hit up the festival. Boy was it a blast. Human sized Cabbage mascots, song about Kimchi and copious amounts of fermented spicy vegetables- All of this in the WORLD CUP STADIUM. Yea you are jealous...
Check out the photos here
FACEBOOK PHOTOS
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